Sometimes the thing that is holding you back is all in your head

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I am happy. But I could be sad if I wanted to. Because it’s all in my head and I am able to control it. Because I have found out happiness depends on how we think and not on what we have around us. It is how we view things.

I used to be very unhappy, whether I had a good job or not, whether my friends were around or not, or whether I was single or in a couple. Now, that I am happy and detached from the past I know what made me unhappy and what makes some of my friends remain in a state of sadness. It is the fact that I thought that I can’t change anything and no matter what I do the world will not change, that having money is what matters, that people do not appreciate you no matter how good you are, that being nice to people means them taking advantage and that you cannot trust anyone, because sooner or later they will stab you in the back in some way or another. Obviously, this way of thinking came from past experiences.

But the issue was that I was seeing and remembering only the negative experiences, I was living in them and I guess I was somehow enjoying misery. It did not help that people around me thought the same way.

Then some day something clicked and I decided to think the opposite way. Yes, kind of like that episode of Seinfeld when George starts to do the opposite to see if things can be different for him. However for me it did not end in disaster.

Things did start to change just because I was thinking different.

For example

Had a job I hated. Normally a sad person would stick with that job and complain about it. But I decided to go another way. Of course, I did have people telling me I should stick to it, because it’s a safe job, even I told them I hated it. I had to stay strong and go against the flow and against the ” advice” given by close people. The job market sucks these days and it’s not ideal to just leave your job and wait for something good to come along. So what I did was I saved some money and while having that job, I was looking for another one. I like to take risks but I am also realistic.

Had a relationship that was failing big time. I guess it should have been a clue the fact that there were fights every day and we hated each other in the end. It’s hard to end a long relationship because you just got used to that person and you can’t imagine life without them. Some people around me told me that it’s normal to fight, that’s what couples do. Yes, it’s normal to fight once in a while but not every day and not saying hurtful things and never apologising and never discussing and never communicating.  So I thought- is it OK to hurt every day like this or is it better to be alone? So I ended it. Best decision ever.

Had few people around me that were bringing me down. Thankfully not the close ones but people that I went for drinks with. You might know those type of people. You tell them you have a problem, let’s say a job you hate and they tell you” you should stay, it’s safe money” and not encouraging you if they see you are excited about doing something else. Or those type of people that you listen to their issues, but it’s like you are their psychologist and they never seem to listen to you, but they use you like a psychological sponge that absorbs their negativity. Or that type of people that when you tell them one issue they jump to say their issue is bigger. Like, if you say ” I think I am going to end my relationship. It’s going nowhere.” , they would say something like ” Oh, well…you know I bought a new dress and I realised at home it was too small! Such an annoyance. I had to go back and change it”…ignoring what you said like it’s not important. So, I slowly stepped away from this type of people.

I realised that it’s all in my head. Yes, I could have a better job. It’s hard to get a better job? Yes, I agree you can’t change over night and become from painter an architect. But you can make changes towards that goal. Take a class, read some books, put money aside for the future.

Yes, I could have better relationships. Because there are a lot of good people out there and you just need to find them. I found plenty of them. I kept my eyes open and I saw people that were doing volunteering, that were interested in my hobbies and my passions. Those people will bring happiness because they care about things you care. It’s easy. By volunteering for causes you care, you meet people like you. By going to groups that share your passion (photography,cooking,etc) you meet people like you.

And yes, there is plenty of love for everyone. I believe many people are unhappy because they believe the stuff they say in Hollywood movies- there’s one love and one chance at love, otherwise you’ll be alone for the rest of your life. So, go, run to the airport/trainstation and stop that person from leaving you! I think this message makes people stay in abusive relationships. Because they think that’s it. One chance at love and there is nothing after that if they lose it. Well, here’s the good news. There’s plenty of people and chances at love. There are great people out there that will appreciate your personality, your flaws, your body, your way of being. Life does not finish at 27-30-40 or whatever society tells you. You can find love no matter the age and no matter your status, whether divorced, with children or just plain single.

Recently I have read an article on happiness and it stated happiness comes not from suddnely earning a big sum of money or if a huge happy event happens in your life. Real happiness come from every day little things that we enjoy.  What I enjoy every day? I like to have my tea in the morning and go in the garden to feel the fresh air. I like to smile at people on the street. I like to pet my neighbour’s Labrador puppy and talk to my other neighbour about the weather. I feel great every time I wear a dress because I just love dresses! I love to listen to jazz and watch a Friends episode once in a while. I love to send cards for my friends’ birthdays. I love to take my camera and just explore the city’s streets and street performers ( there are a lot of them in the area!) I love to draw ( even I am still shy with showing it to people).

These small things make me happy every day. Not insanely happy like jumping around like crazy. But content with my self.

 

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