Sometimes the thing that is holding you back is all in your head

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I am happy. But I could be sad if I wanted to. Because it’s all in my head and I am able to control it. Because I have found out happiness depends on how we think and not on what we have around us. It is how we view things.

I used to be very unhappy, whether I had a good job or not, whether my friends were around or not, or whether I was single or in a couple. Now, that I am happy and detached from the past I know what made me unhappy and what makes some of my friends remain in a state of sadness. It is the fact that I thought that I can’t change anything and no matter what I do the world will not change, that having money is what matters, that people do not appreciate you no matter how good you are, that being nice to people means them taking advantage and that you cannot trust anyone, because sooner or later they will stab you in the back in some way or another. Obviously, this way of thinking came from past experiences.

But the issue was that I was seeing and remembering only the negative experiences, I was living in them and I guess I was somehow enjoying misery. It did not help that people around me thought the same way.

Then some day something clicked and I decided to think the opposite way. Yes, kind of like that episode of Seinfeld when George starts to do the opposite to see if things can be different for him. However for me it did not end in disaster.

Things did start to change just because I was thinking different.

For example

Had a job I hated. Normally a sad person would stick with that job and complain about it. But I decided to go another way. Of course, I did have people telling me I should stick to it, because it’s a safe job, even I told them I hated it. I had to stay strong and go against the flow and against the ” advice” given by close people. The job market sucks these days and it’s not ideal to just leave your job and wait for something good to come along. So what I did was I saved some money and while having that job, I was looking for another one. I like to take risks but I am also realistic.

Had a relationship that was failing big time. I guess it should have been a clue the fact that there were fights every day and we hated each other in the end. It’s hard to end a long relationship because you just got used to that person and you can’t imagine life without them. Some people around me told me that it’s normal to fight, that’s what couples do. Yes, it’s normal to fight once in a while but not every day and not saying hurtful things and never apologising and never discussing and never communicating.  So I thought- is it OK to hurt every day like this or is it better to be alone? So I ended it. Best decision ever.

Had few people around me that were bringing me down. Thankfully not the close ones but people that I went for drinks with. You might know those type of people. You tell them you have a problem, let’s say a job you hate and they tell you” you should stay, it’s safe money” and not encouraging you if they see you are excited about doing something else. Or those type of people that you listen to their issues, but it’s like you are their psychologist and they never seem to listen to you, but they use you like a psychological sponge that absorbs their negativity. Or that type of people that when you tell them one issue they jump to say their issue is bigger. Like, if you say ” I think I am going to end my relationship. It’s going nowhere.” , they would say something like ” Oh, well…you know I bought a new dress and I realised at home it was too small! Such an annoyance. I had to go back and change it”…ignoring what you said like it’s not important. So, I slowly stepped away from this type of people.

I realised that it’s all in my head. Yes, I could have a better job. It’s hard to get a better job? Yes, I agree you can’t change over night and become from painter an architect. But you can make changes towards that goal. Take a class, read some books, put money aside for the future.

Yes, I could have better relationships. Because there are a lot of good people out there and you just need to find them. I found plenty of them. I kept my eyes open and I saw people that were doing volunteering, that were interested in my hobbies and my passions. Those people will bring happiness because they care about things you care. It’s easy. By volunteering for causes you care, you meet people like you. By going to groups that share your passion (photography,cooking,etc) you meet people like you.

And yes, there is plenty of love for everyone. I believe many people are unhappy because they believe the stuff they say in Hollywood movies- there’s one love and one chance at love, otherwise you’ll be alone for the rest of your life. So, go, run to the airport/trainstation and stop that person from leaving you! I think this message makes people stay in abusive relationships. Because they think that’s it. One chance at love and there is nothing after that if they lose it. Well, here’s the good news. There’s plenty of people and chances at love. There are great people out there that will appreciate your personality, your flaws, your body, your way of being. Life does not finish at 27-30-40 or whatever society tells you. You can find love no matter the age and no matter your status, whether divorced, with children or just plain single.

Recently I have read an article on happiness and it stated happiness comes not from suddnely earning a big sum of money or if a huge happy event happens in your life. Real happiness come from every day little things that we enjoy.  What I enjoy every day? I like to have my tea in the morning and go in the garden to feel the fresh air. I like to smile at people on the street. I like to pet my neighbour’s Labrador puppy and talk to my other neighbour about the weather. I feel great every time I wear a dress because I just love dresses! I love to listen to jazz and watch a Friends episode once in a while. I love to send cards for my friends’ birthdays. I love to take my camera and just explore the city’s streets and street performers ( there are a lot of them in the area!) I love to draw ( even I am still shy with showing it to people).

These small things make me happy every day. Not insanely happy like jumping around like crazy. But content with my self.

 

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Japanese video motivates people to choose their own path

This Japanese video motivates us to choose our own path, to not follow everyone or anyone. The idea behind it is that everyone has their own destiny. You have the freedom to do what you want, you can choose your way and you can choose what makes you happy and who makes you happy.

As the runner in the video says” No,life is not a marathon. Nobody can choose our path. Nobody can choose our finishing line.Running anywhere is fine. You can head wherever you like. Everyone has his or her path. Your own path? Does that really exist? Nobody knows. But the world we’ve never seen is vast. So, yes. Start your journey. Think about it and then think more. And then, when you know your goal, go for it. It’s okay to fail. It’s okay to return to where you started. You don’t need to compare yourself to others. There is no single path. There is no single finishing line. There are as many goals and finishing lines as number of people on this planet. All lives are excellent. Who said that life is a marathon?”

An inspirational video that reminds us to care more about others

Many times we judge people from our point of view, even if we try not to be racist or sexist or just plain judgemental. But we never know what’s behind people’s appearances, unless they are our closest friends. Your waiter was rude? Maybe, he just found out he’s going to be fired or he lost someone he loved. Your teacher seemed absent? Maybe she just filed for divorce. While, I’m not trying to give excuses to people behaving bad, I’m trying to say that sometimes real dramas are happening and we don’t know it and we just assume things. Not everybody knows when you had a bad day, just like it’s impossible for you to know if your doctor had a bad day and does not really feel like chatting.

We should try to just be nice to people and we just might make their day a little bit brighter.

This video will explain this better.

New online platform combines charity donations with social motivation

blog post huma rightsPromise or pay is a new online platform that combines charitable donations with social motivations. To make it more simple, people go on the Promise or Pay website, make a public promise ( like a New Year Resolution), such as ” This year I will learn to ride a horse” or ” I promise to learn Chinese”, or ” I promise to take on Tai Chi” or whichever desire you want to fulfil and at the same time you promise that if you fail in doing that you will donate a certain amount of money to a charity, such as Earth Rights International, Conservation Strategy Fund, Pandas International, Assistance Dogs Australia and Mineke Foundation.

To make it more simple. You go on the website, make the promise, try to fulfil that promise until a certain date and you update your information before the due date if you managed to keep the promise. If you didn’t manage until the deadline, the money goes to a charity that you chose.

Remember how many times we promise ourselves that this year we will lose weight or we will start learning more foreign languages or reading more books or travelling? Now this application will motivate us to do it and if we fail, at least we will still help the world by donating to a worthy cause. It will no longer be something that we will regret not doing.

Here are some examples of promises that people have already done on this website

” I promise to learn five new Italian words every weekday or pay $100 dollars to Animal Welfare League NSW.”

“I promise to join a social netball team by February or pay $50 dollars to African People and Wildlife Fund”

If you are interested or just curious to see what’s this about, you can check out their website promiseorpay.com or go on twitter or Facebook.

Why people fail in following their dreams

Carpe diem. Follow your dream. Follow your passion. We hear this message and we see it everywhere, yet most of us decide not to chase it, even if we know it would make us happier than our every day boring job. It mostly puzzles me when on Facebook people post all kinds of quotes and pictures with – be happy and do what makes you happy, yet I know 99% of these people do not do it. Do they do it then to torture themselves? When confronted, these people just find excuses for not following their dreams, even if their dream is just eating pumpkin flavoured chocolate or getting a nice dress. Larry Smith discusses the same thing on TED talks in a funny and entertaining kind of way. If you don’t have the patience to watch the whole video, here are some of the things he says:

“No matter how many times people tell you, if you want a great career you have to pursue your passion, you have to pursue your dreams you have to pursue your greatest fascination in your life. You hear it again and again and then you decide not to do it .(…) I’m not sure why you decide not to do it. You’re too lazy to do it, it’s too hard, you’re afraid if you look for your passion and don’t find it you’ll feel like an idiot so then you make excuses about why you’re not going to look for your passion.”

So what excuses do people find?

Here’s the most common excuses (according to Larry Smith):

  •  Out of luck

“ Great careers are really for most people just a matter of luck. So I’ll stay and wait for a career.”

  • I am not a genius

“ Geniuses. I am not a genius. I thought I was but my professors beat that idea from my head”

  • I am not weird enough

“People that pursue their passions are a little strange. But I’m not weird. I am normal and nice. And nice and normal people don’t  have passions.”

  • I wouldn’t sacrifice my friends/wife/husband/children for my dream

“ I value human relationships more. I want to be a great friend, spouse, parent and I will not sacrifice them on the altar of great accomplishment. But do you really want to look at you spouse and you kid and see your jailers? Don’t you want to watch your kid in the eye and say ‘go for it just like I did’?”

For an entertaining and indeed motivational video take a look here

 

Happiness is Always an Inside Job. :) :)

It’s true! Happiness always comes from the inside!

A Small Act Of Kindness Can Bring Smile On Million Faces

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If you feel like life gave up on you, watch this inspirational video

Whenever we decide to make a change in our lives and follow our dreams or are just thinking about following our dreams, doubt and fear are always there.  Fear of failing, fear of not being good at it, fear of being criticised by others, fear of the comfortable change, fear of ourselves. What if I am not good enough? What if people will laugh at me? What if I am not good enough?

I’ve wandered that many times. I’ve wandered even after my decision to change my life. What if I fail? What will people say? But then I decided to silence those voices in my head and just go for it. Happiness just comes with it, whether it’s a small success or a big one. When you do what you like, whether you earn money, praise or whether nobody knows about it, you will be happy. You just have to want it and go for it.

This is what Arthur did. He was disabled, he could not walk and has given up life for some time. But then, he found a yoga teacher that put his faith in him. Watch this inspirational video for the story.

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